


I wish I were Heeseung hyung

by giftedjaeyun



Category: ENHYPEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Best Friends, Confessions, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pre-Debut ENHYPEN, Pre-Relationship, oblivious sim jaeyun, why is that not a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:40:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29838924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giftedjaeyun/pseuds/giftedjaeyun
Summary: Jake tries to hide his growing affection for Sunghoon, knowing that it's the last thing they needed while preparing for debut. But as his best friend gets closer to their oldest hyung, he finds it even more difficult to hide it.
Relationships: Park Sunghoon & Sim Jaeyun | Jake, Park Sunghoon/Sim Jaeyun | Jake
Comments: 9
Kudos: 48





	I wish I were Heeseung hyung

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the following songs:
> 
> Heather - Conan Gray  
> Can I Be Him - James Arthur  
> Pagtingin - Ben&Ben

Jake watched as all the other members practiced their choreography. All of them wore determined expressions on their faces, clearly aiming for their debut to be successful. It wasn't that he didn't want the same, it's just that, these past few days...

He may have been a little _too_ distracted.

For the past few months, both in the show and in preparing for their debut, he had already opened up and gotten into a comfortable friendship with all of the members. Although it hasn't been a considerably long period of time, it still felt like he had known all of them since forever. There were differences in personalities, sure, but it wasn't a hindrance to them creating a good relationship with one another.

But for some reason, he had been feeling somewhat insecure these past few days. Debut was just around the corner, and he knew there was no reason to feel that way, but he couldn't help it. Especially when it involved Sunghoon.

Of all the new friends that entered his life, Sunghoon somehow made sure to enter his heart too. In just a short amount of time, they were already the best of friends. Heck, the other members even tell them how they looked like soulmates with the level of understanding they have for each other. One of them would say something and the other would finish their sentence; that's just how it went for them. Not to mention that both did not even have friends as close to them before; as Sunghoon always says, they just "click".

There also were the profound respect and admiration they had for each other, with how compliments seem to flow more naturally between the two of them than to the other members. When it came to giving praises, it was almost always from one of them, with the other at the receiving end. They were a package deal; where one goes, the other follows.

For Jake, that didn't seem to be the case recently. He won't deny the growing affection he was having for the younger, no. He had already come to terms with the change in how he saw his best friend. After all, how could anyone not love him? He might as well be the embodiment of perfection, at least in Jake's opinion. Problem was, now that he is even more willing to be with Sunghoon's company, the younger seemed to drift away instead.

It didn't help that he also noticeably became closer to their oldest. Heeseung, another epitome of perfection. There was no denying the fact that he is undoubtedly the best monster rookie he has ever known in his seventeen years of living. As if that isn't enough, he perhaps had the best personality too: a good leader, a caring friend, a dependable hyung– you name it. If you were to tell him that Heeseung is way better than him, he won't protest about it.

With all that, one can just imagine how downhearted Jake felt as the days went by.

Once they finished practicing, they went back to their dorms, except Heeseung and Sunghoon, who claimed they will stay to practice some more. Before they went, Jake almost argued about it, but the rest of the members were all tired so they let them be, but not before reminding them not to overwork themselves.

.

Jake was in the shower when he heard the main door open, in coming Sunghoon and Heeseung who just came back from practice.

"We left you some dinner in the fridge. Just help yourselves." He heard Jay tell them before he also went inside their shared bedroom, where Sunoo, Jungwon, and Ni-ki were all already sleeping.

Jake knew he didn't have any business listening to whatever the two were talking about. He was stuck on an internal monologue on how to avoid them when he goes out of the shower, since the door opens to the dining area, where the two are most likely to be right now.

He was holding the door handle when he heard Sunghoon exclaim in anger.

"No hyung, Jake can't know about this!"

While he didn't get a grasp at whatever context it was in, he still can't stop himself from feeling dejected at Sunghoon's words. It hurt to think that there was something that the younger was so willing to keep from him, as though they weren't best friends in the first place. He clutched his chest and breathed deeply to calm himself. Perhaps _they_ are already in a relationship.

After what felt like an eternity, Jake gathered all the courage to go out of the bathroom and face the two. As he opened the door, two heads instantly shot up to look at him.

"How long have you been in there?" Heeseung immediately spoke up, breaking the short silence upon Jake's arrival.

"I heard you enter the main door, so about ten minutes?"

Sunghoon looked at Heeseung in horror, while the older tried his best not to appear suspicious. But before he could warn him, Sunghoon had already asked Jake.

"Did you hear what we were talking about?" He looked highly agitated while Heeseung tried his best to stay calm. Jake, meanwhile, recalled his thoughts earlier on what he heard. It may be just one sentence out of who knows how many, but it still stung, and they didn't need to know about that.

"No? Was it something I should know?" He feigned ignorance, pretending he didn't just feel his heart breaking to pieces.

"It's nothing important, Jakey," Heeseung butted in, cutting the tension building the three of them. "You can go to bed, we can manage by ourselves." He smiled warmly, giving off that brotherly vibe that Jake slowly came to love. He nodded in reply and called back a good night before going back to their shared bedroom.

While he walked along the hallway, he pretended he didn't just hear Heeseung whisper something along the lines of how Jake was his best friend, and he should be the first one to know. Whatever it was, Jake didn't have any idea.

At least, that's what he told himself.

.

After a successful music video shoot, they stopped by a restaurant near their dorm. They were originally planning to head straight back to their dorm, but Jay kept on complaining about the cooking and cleaning he will have to do by then. When he threatened to drag them to do the chores, they finally agreed to eat out, so that they could head immediately to their beds after.

They went out of the van and were greeted by the chilling night breeze. It only took a short walk from the parking space to the restaurant, but the air was too freezing that Jake clutched his own arms and rubbed them repeatedly. The other members were walking ahead of him, arms interlocked with each other: Jay with Jungwon, and Sunoo with Ni-ki. That was when he noticed that two of them were missing, then realizing they were Sunghoon and Heeseung.

He looked back and sure enough, they were behind him. While they were walking, Sunghoon was shrugging his jacket off. Upon reaching the entrance where the other members were waiting, Sunghoon draped his jacket over his hyung's shoulder, who thanked him in return.

Jake tried to avoid getting jealous, but then Jungwon had to comment how Sunghoon would make a good boyfriend someday, to which all the members, even Jake, agreed. More comments were thrown, but when one of them mentioned how his future lover would be super lucky, Jake had to stop them and reminded them about dinner. Fortunately, there were no violent reactions, and the rest of the night was spent peacefully.

.

The next week passed by and Jake was feeling anything but better. He tried as much as possible not to show it since they were all busy and exhausted with all the training and promotion they had to do. He even tried to remain his usual cheery self, although without realizing that all the members noticed how he sounded a bit too happy.

Although Sunghoon still hung out with him, he has obviously already taken a liking to their oldest hyung. He wasn't stupid; he knows he can't keep Sunghoon from developing his relationships with other people, let alone the members. But whenever he sees the hugs shared and the growing closeness between them, he can't help but wonder how it would feel if it were him. Not Heeseung.

If only he were Heeseung.

At some point, Jungwon had asked him about it, but he shrugged it off, saying it was nothing. Well, he can't tell him about it, can he? Who knows what their reactions would be if he told them that he was falling deeper in love with his best friend, and his groupmate at that? Thankfully, Jungwon, like the considerate leader he is, let the topic go and decided he will wait for Jake to say it himself.

They were in another one of their many choreography practices, and for some reason, Jake kept on messing up. The members cast him concerned looks, not knowing why he was being like this. For every mistake, they had to start from the top, and so far they had been restarting for at least about seven times, yet to finish just one full song.

After another mistake, their choreographer signaled them to stop then went to pause the music. She sighed, exasperated from the current status of their practice.

"Jake, you keep on messing up. What is happening?" She put her hands on her hips. She was clearly angry now. Jake also knew that if he replied, he may get a worse comment than if he did not, so he chose the latter. He looked at the floor, not wanting to face the looks of their trainer and the other members. Especially not Sunghoon.

The woman tsked. "If you're having trouble with the dance, ask Heeseung about it. He did a perfect job today, he can teach you."

There he goes. It was him again. Oh, if not only for his deep respect towards his hyung, he may have already hated him for so long. But he didn't, so he didn't raise his face. He can't, not when Heeseung is literally an angel, always so patient and thoughtful that he rushed to Jake when asked.

"Jake..." Heeseung put his hands on Jake's shoulders. "How can I help you?"

His voice was so gentle and warm that Jake couldn't bear it in himself that at some point, he hated Heeseung. Perfect, loving, kind Heeseung.

Maybe he didn't hate him at all. Maybe all along, it was himself whom he hated. How he wasn't even similar to Heeseung in any way, just the plain old boring Jake that he was.

Maybe he hated himself for not being Heeseung.

As the thoughts raced in his mind, tears threatened to fall from his eyes. He still didn't look up and instead removed the oldest's hands from his shoulders. He couldn't contain his emotions anymore and at the same time, he wouldn't want his members to know. They will surely ask him what was bothering him, and he should not tell them. Never.

He ran out of the practice room as fast as his feet could carry and looked for a nearby secluded space. He will come back anyway, he just needed to let his feelings out right now.

The only available location was the comfort room, and so he rapidly entered one of the stalls and locked himself there. Out of fear of being heard by anyone, he kept his sobs to as quiet as he could. He needed to sort his thoughts out.

But while Jake was still pondering on his negative thoughts, he heard footsteps rushing inside. Some unknown person barged into the restrooms, but it didn't take long for Jake to know who it was.

"Jake? Are you here? Please come out!"

Sunghoon.

He assumed there was no one else in the other stalls, which explains how the younger reached his stall almost in an instant. He heard him knock quickly but softly.

"Excuse me, is this Jake?"

Jake didn't want to reply. At his current state, he might say something he didn't mean. He didn't want anyone to know he was crying, much more what he was crying about. Not to mention that it had to be Sunghoon of all people. Sunghoon, who knew him so well to know he was the one inside the stall.

Jake heard Sunghoon sigh once before speaking again. "Jake, it's Sunghoon. Please talk to me?" 

Perhaps it was the gentleness in his voice that set the waterworks as Jake could no longer suppress his sobs. At that moment, he needed the nearest comfort he could get. He stood up, opened the door, and crashed into the younger's chest in a matter of seconds. Sunghoon, meanwhile, let out a quiet gasp in shock, but proceeded to wrap his arms around his best friend. 

"Jake," he started to speak. "You know you can trust me right?"

Jake nodded, but still, he didn't speak. His thoughts were all over the place; he didn't know where to start. He can't even stop sobbing, so he kept his arms wrapped around the taller's waist and buried his face on the crook of his neck. Sunghoon wound his fingers into his hair as he shushed the older, keeping him as close as possible.

They stood there in silence for who knows how long, until Jake's sobs eventually subsided to sniffles. He tried to calm himself to a manageable level, then slowly pulled out of Sunghoon's hold. He was about to go out of the room but Sunghoon gripped his wrist and pulled him back.

"Where are you going?" Sunghoon asked, furrowing his brows.

"To the practice room, why?"

"We are not going there until you tell me what's wrong."

"It's nothing, please let's go back." Jake wiped the dried tear tracks on his face as he spoke. He wanted a way out as soon as possible.

"Jake, you are not in your best condition right now. Maybe physically, but you are clearly not okay."

"Why do you even ask?" Jake immediately covered his mouth after he said that. He didn't mean to, he really didn't. But the damage was done; Sunghoon looked offended. What should he say?

He dropped his hold on Jake's wrist, which made Jake feel as though his heart was dropped at the same time. But just as quickly, Sunghoon held both of Jake's hands in his.

"Because you are my best friend," he muttered, "And I don't like seeing my best friend hurt."

"No, Sunghoon, you don't understand." Jake looked up at him. "I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"I don't want our friendship to be ruined by this. I can manage this by myself."

"No, Jake. Please, whatever it is, tell me. I don't want you to deal with this alone."

There were a few moments of silence until Jake broke it with a deep sigh. His tears were building up again in fear, but he tried to shove his thoughts back in his mind.

"Promise we will still be friends after this?"

Sunghoon nodded. "Promise. You didn't even have to ask."

"I like you, Sunghoon."

Sunghoon's eyes widened in shock. He let go of his hold on Jake's hands, which Jake took as a negative response to his statement. Surprisingly, after dropping something big, Jake was still somehow calm. He continued.

"See. This is why I shouldn't have told you. Especially when you and Heeseung hyung seem to have something going on."

Sunghoon was surprised. "Heeseung hyung?"

"Yeah, he's really lucky, you know? He's talented, kind, loving– he's perfect. On top of all that, he's got you. I wish I were Heeseung hyung."

Jake was startled when he felt Sunghoon's hands on his face, wiping away the fresh tears he didn't even notice. But he didn't speak yet, waiting for the older to finish what he needed to say, so Jake continued.

"Sometimes I wonder how life would be like if I were like him. I mean, how could you ever kiss someone like me? I'm not even half as pretty as him."

Upon hearing this, Sunghoon's head shot up, like he always did when he realized something. But Jake wasn't done yet.

"I wish I was the one you talked about in your stories. I wish I was the one your songs were about. I wish I was the reason behind your smiles. I always asked myself if I can just be him instead, but I knew I couldn't. I can never be Heeseung hyung." Jake laughed humorlessly, his tears continuously dripping down his cheeks. Sunghoon wiped every single one of them with his sleeve. When he presumed Jake was finished, he started to speak.

"You said you wanted to stay friends?" The older nodded. "But I don't think I can be your friend after this, Jake. I don't want us to be friends anymore."

Jake's head shot up in panic. This was what he had been scared of all along. To lose his friend because of something he could have prevented in the first place. But he wanted to know the younger's reason, so he gathered up his courage and asked.

"Why not?"

"Jake, I..." Sunghoon wrapped his arms around his shoulders. "I don't want to be just friends. I like you a lot, not just as my best friend, but as something more than that."

"You... like me too?" Sunghoon nodded.

"But how about Heeseung hyung? You seem close lately, aren't you... dating?"

Sunghoon let out a laugh. "I don't see him that way."

"But he's perfect, I'm not?"

Sunghoon let out an exhale. He held Jake's face on one of his palms. "Who said you weren't? At least for me, you are perfect. And even if you weren't, that won't change how I feel about you."

For the first time that night, Jake smiled, albeit exhaustedly. He still had doubts, but he was already too tired from his emotional outburst to argue about it. Hand in hand, they went back to the practice room where everyone was already packing up, preparing to go home.

.

Jake was still bewildered about the not-friends-but-more-than-friends thing they established last night, but couldn't take it himself to ask about it. At the very least, Sunghoon didn't avoid him, or worse, hate him for it.

He stared at the ceiling from where he was laying on the top bunk. It was a Sunday and they had no schedules for today, so they were allowed to sleep the whole day. Although even with that, he still wakes up earlier than most members.

Jake sat up and stretched his arms only to notice that the room was empty, save for himself who was alone. He got down and saw Heeseung's and Ni-ki's beds without their owners. He looked at his phone and looked at the time. It was eight minutes past 7.

He just realized that today was his birthday. Oh, so that's why.

He slowly made his way to the kitchen where he assumed all of them would be. He was just rubbing the sleep from his eyes when he jumped at the party popper aimed at him upon his arrival.

"Happy birthday to you!" The members sang and bounded into him, putting a party hat over his bed hair.

"Thank you everyone," he replied, eyes still squinting at the bright surroundings. They brought a cake in front of him with unlit candles and placed it in his arms.

"We haven't lit it yet cause you just woke up," Jay said, making everyone laugh. "For now let's just pose for a picture first."

After posing for a group photo, they all sat down at the table, setting aside the small cake in the meantime in favor of a good breakfast. But before he could even take a bite, Heeseung interrupted him by calling his name.

"By the way, Jake, someone here has a little something for you." He slammed a heavy hand on Sunghoon's shoulder, brows moving up and down suggestively.

Jake's head tilted in confusion. He watched as Sunghoon stood up to retrieve his phone. As he returned to the table, he motioned for Jungwon who was sitting beside Jake to switch seats with him. While the rest continued to make conversations, his eyes were fixated on Sunghoon's every move as he made his way on the seat beside Jake.

He extended an open palm to Jake, holding earbuds which Jake curiously accepted. Jake put them in his ears as Sunghoon fiddled with his phone. While he was waiting, he briefly glanced at the members again who were all still busy talking, save for Heeseung who watched them with a knowing look. After a few moments, he felt Sunghoon touch his shoulder, instantly getting his attention.

"Happy birthday, Jake. I hope you will like this." Sunghoon looked at a still confused Jake then smiled. He pressed something on his phone, and Jake heard a very familiar voice singing an unfamiliar tune.

_So many things I wanna tell you_

_But I guess I should hold back_

Jake gasped, his hand shooting up to his mouth. He faced Sunghoon and to his surprise, the younger was already looking back at him. But he got over his astonishment at once, not wanting to miss a single word in the song.

_If I reveal just how I feel_

_I hope you won't change how you look at me_

The song went on for a short while. When it finished, Jake was left in shock. He sat there motionless, until Ni-ki shook him with a scream, scaring him out of his wits.

"From his reaction, that wasn't a regular birthday gift." Jay spoke up. Jake didn't notice since when did the members fall silent, as he was surprised that the others were watching him intently. Before he could reply, Sunoo interrupted.

"Are you kidding me, Jay hyung? That was a straight up love confession, how did you not know?"

"For real?! Why didn't I know?"

"Enough, you two, let's ask Jake first. How was it, Jake?" Instead of Sunghoon, Heeseung was the one who asked. They were both too quiet, one from nervousness and the other from disbelief. But for not too long, Jake replied to him.

"I... I don't know what to say..." Jake glanced at Sunghoon, then realized something. "Wait, you...?"

"I helped in producing, if that's what you're asking." Heeseung answered.

"Sunghoon hyung played it to us while you were sleeping. It's actually unbelievable that Jay hyung didn't hear."

"Yah!"

Everyone laughed at Jay's exclamation. While the rest was preoccupied, Sunghoon held Jake's hand, causing him to look at him.

"Did you like it?" Sunghoon muttered.

"I love it. I feel like my heart is about to burst." Jake's smile was almost ear to ear as he rubbed at his chest, proving his point.

"Maybe it had something to do with the hand holding," Ni-ki said, listening to their conversation. Turns out, they were all watching them. Jake's cheeks turned red in embarrassment, earning him squeals and cheers of excitement.

"No fair, I want to hear it too!" Jay complained. Sunghoon looked at Jake as if to ask for permission to play it, and he nodded right away.

As the song played, the members made comments about the melody, the lyrics– almost everything. When it finished, Sunoo grumbled.

"Jake hyung, please accept Sunghoon hyung's confession. I'm so tired of seeing him pine over you."

"You don't say," Heeseung quipped. "He kept asking me for advice. How did you think we ended up doing this song?"

This time, it was Sunghoon's turn to flush at their comments. Jake, however, seemed to realize something as his eyes widened.

"Was this what you were angry about with Heeseung hyung?"

"What?"

Jake sat up properly. "That night when you stayed up to practice and came home late. I heard you saying I shouldn't know about something?"

"Pfft," Heeseung giggled. "I told you, he heard that."

Sunghoon exhaled before explaining. "You see, that night I was asking hyung how to forget my feelings for you. I thought you didn't feel the same..."

"But I do!" Jake replied. "I thought you didn't, since you were close with Heeseung hyung."

"What the–?!" Heeseung piped up upon hearing his name. "What does it have to do with me?"

"You were really often together recently." Jungwon said. "Now I know that's cause you co-wrote a very special song~"

"Y'all I'm getting cavities right now from the both of you." Jay gestured to Jake and Sunghoon.

"Idiots, I tell you. It took them how long to confess; I'm so done."

"They were so oblivious it hurts."

As the others continued to share their complaints, Jake and Sunghoon looked at each other meaningfully. Jake interlaced their hands and held Sunghoon's hand tightly.

"I like you, Jake. Will you be my boyfriend?" Sunghoon spoke. His thumb brushed over Jake's knuckles, gently caressing them.

Jake let out a gasp. He knew there was never forgetting this birthday as he flung himself on Sunghoon, wrapping his arms around him in an embrace.

"Yes I will. I like you too." He hugged him tightly while Sunghoon rubbed his back. Apparently, everyone in the table noticed as they celebrated at what they heard. They were either hollering in excitement or sighing exaggeratedly. Regardless, they were all happy at how everything turned out.

Heeseung, meanwhile, quietly gazed at them. His head rested on his chin as a pleased smile graced his face.

"My job here is done."

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> That one Enhypen&Hi behind the scenes photo posted by BELIFT ended me so here we are


End file.
